Regardless of whether you are a recent grad, a newlywed or new parent, there are people who insist on asking you the most inappropriate of questions. You know the ones; I know you’ve been asked too.
There are the concerned relatives asking “When are you are guys finally going to get engaged?” There are those who are concerned with your biological clock, lovingly letting you know that “Times a-wastin’.” And the ever-present bean counters brazen enough to ask the cost of your home, your car and your newest handbag. With my own experiences and stories from others, here is a condensed version of the questions you should never ask and why exactly you shouldn’t ask them.
Bypassing Happy Graduation, on to “When are you getting a job?”
Why is it that on the day of your college graduation people are more interested in your job prospects than congratulating you on such a big accomplishment? When people graduate from college they are fully aware that a job is the next step. And most people are ready for that next step. However, depending on what you study and the state of the economy (hello!) there may not be a job there waiting. When people were badgering me about whether or not I had acquired a job after graduation, my first though was to ask “Do you watch the news?” Be sensitive to what’s going on before you make a frustrated job hunter feel even more inadequate.
The Marriage Monitor or “When exactly are you going to tie the knot?”
Nothing is more awkward than having Aunt Evelyn grill you at the family Christmas party about when Christopher is going to pop the question. First of all, that’s a question for Christopher, but more to the point its just bad form to ask. As with a lot of inappropriate questions it’s really no one’s business. The when and whys of getting married can depend on several factors including school, jobs, and the costs of living- very personal things that make it uncomfortable to pinpoint and discuss the date of an engagement. Navigating an answer to this question can be as hard as navigating your way through DC at rush hour. But the best thing you can do is remain poised and assure Aunt Evelyn that it will happen when the time is right and she will be among the first to know. (Be fore-warned that once you actually get engaged there will be another list of inappropriate questions that will include how big is your ring and how much is this wedding costing you?)
The Baby Debacle or “Why the time you choose to have a baby will never be soon enough.”
Before you have even finished sachet-ing down the aisle, the question of children will come up. Guaranteed. It’s as if once Aunt Evelyn’s marriage question was answered she just couldn’t be satisfied in it. On to bigger and better things: babies! The decision to bring another life into this world and your home is undoubtedly one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. So naturally people feel the need to share their opinions and be in on your decision making process. Like getting married, having a baby depends on many, many things, not the least of which is the reproductive health of you and your spouse. A subject that is not only deeply personal but unequivocally off limits. Deflecting this question tends to work best. A simple “Well, we would like to enjoy being newlyweds for a little while, before taking such a big step,” will suffice.
“How much was your house?” or Allow me to judge and compare our spending habits.
Buying a house or a car or any other significant purchase is costly. We all know it’s costly, but none of us need to know exactly how costly. It’s not for us to know, so just don’t ask because no matter what you think a good reason might be, I guarantee you there isn’t one. If you are asked such a question, the best way to dodge it is to respond with a non-response like “Oh, probably too much. Have you seen Lisa’s garden out back?” This also changes the subject and shows there is no going back.
“Why isn’t your child walking?” and other questions people ask to feel better about their own child.
So many of these inappropriate questions stem from people wanting to feel better about wherever they are in their own life. Comparing notes on kids is no different. When a parent knows their child is walking before so and so’s child, it’s like winning the kiddie Olympics. It’s allows parents, in their own mind, to claim their child’s superiority. Which is why questions about a child’s development and accomplishment are generally inappropriate. Occasionally there is a mother (or father, but let’s face it, it’s the usually the mom’s on this one.) who is genuinely curious about how your child is progressing or needs to talk about these sort of things mom to mom. But unless you are close friends, I would avoid asking because even if you have the best of intentions its hard not to feel a little smug when you find out their little Frankie isn’t on the honor roll.
Written by Ashley Brooke Daniel
www.ashleybrookedesigns.blogspot.com/
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