Jersey Shore premiere, no one is having much fun

Aging party animals gathered one final time for a season premiere of MTV's Jersey Shore. One can't drink due to a pregnancy and the other is living clean and sober after rehab.

Do fans of Jersey Shore find it satisfying enough for their reality television stars to live in reality?

After the first few nights in Seaside Heights there were no drunken hook-ups or trips to the police station. The girls are coupled up, Vinny is trying to be celibate and even Pauly gets no loving when the lady he picked up at Karma is found to be indisposed for that time of the month.

Every few minutes we hear from The Situation about how life is better than ever. He sees it all as a series of tests. Can he go to the club, meet women and have fun without being high on prescription meds?

Mike is contrite, making amends to all he hurt and tries to win them over with a home cooked first night dinner. At least he's not constantly complaining.

That's not something that can be said about the other changed person in the house: Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi.

Nicole can no longer do "the meatball things like I'm used to doing," because she remains alcohol-free. She can't even have a full gym visit without feeling limited and certainly can't expose her baby to the rays in a tanning booth.

Yet her biggest problem is that she truly doesn't like to be around people drinking, partying and getting drunk. As fans of Snooki & JWoWW learned, Nicole gets pissy and turns into a party pooper when she tries to go along with the crowd.

She thought she'd solve that by skipping the group's night out at the club by scheduling a romantic date with Jionni, but the complaining began in earnest when she heard house music start up.

'Her solution? Rent a room away from the crowd, but close enough to be able to be part of the non-clubbing activities. She needs her sleep and a clean environment.

The night at Karma for Mike was a success, or so he said, despite one of the girls telling him it was OK if he had one drink.

She doesn't understand why he has to abstain from alcohol if his addiction is to pain killers. It's gonna be a long summer if he's got to deal with more of that so Mike keeps convincing himself that MVP (Mike, Vinny, Pauly) is back and better than ever.

Ronnie and Sammi are a true couple now, sharing a bedroom at the house where all is well with them. Move the action to Karma and Ron's usual drunken activity began in earnest The insults he spews at Sammi are pretty rough."He's the male Nicole," Sammi says.
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Deena has turned over a new leaf. She's a bit leaner in the body and has her first long term boyfriend.

She's not away from him two days before the waterworks start flowing at the club. Despite boyfriend Chris being on the scene (he lives close by) Deena finds a way while drunk to concoct a conspiracy theory.

Fearful that the guys will undermine her relationship with Chris she bawls her head off. Is this what fans have been waiting for?

Couples fighting or bored, sober Nicole and Mike and the usual mayhem missing. Really?

MTV airs new episodes of Jersey Shore's final season Thursday nights at 10:00 p.m. ET Image: MTV, Wikipedia

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