Joan Rivers and the usual fashion police crew of Giuliana Rancic, Kelly Osbourne and George Kotsiopoulos began on a modest note by reviewing the ladies in the two colors of the night.
The Ladies Who Wore White:
Rooney Mara: Joan said "She looks like a dominatrix getting married!" in her Givenchy Spring 2009 couture gown. "Very fashion forward but what are those awnings on the front of her dress?" The dress from the back had touches of glamor and Kelly said it was a best dressed nominee for her.
Gwyneth Paltrow: She was lauded all around by the Fashion Police. Joan bubbled: "She looked amazing. So simple and so elegant." George K, a stylist himself said, "She was the only person that made a bold statement last night. I loved this, it was old Hollywood glamor."
Jennifer Lopez: Her sheer gown encased her hour glass shape to perfection except...the ladies on the panel spotted a bit of nipple and would not give J-Lo a break about it. Kelly Osbourne declared her a best dressed nominee but said, "I got to see her nip, one of the most beautiful women in the world and I saw her nipple." Giuliana reported that Lopez' stylist actually put out a statement to say it was an illusion caused by the lights on the dress. No one was buying it.
The Ladies Who Wore Red:
Natalie Portman: "Usually when you see dark red spots like that, you call a doctor," Rivers shouted, who also criticized Portman carrying a black bag with the red dress. Joan was joined in that opinion by the rest of the panel. Portman was wearing a 1954 vintage gown from Dior couture, that George K said made her the spitting image of that era's glamorous Hollywood stars.
Michelle Williams: Looking gorgeous in red Louis Vuitton, Joan said the young nominee should grow her hair in. "Viola Davis went over and told her, 'Girlfriend, you better get yourself a wig.'" Kelly called the dress exquisite but wasn't a fan of a pink purse. Giuliana disagreed about the pink, saying it brought, "A little bit of Marilyn to the red carpet."
The Leading Ladies
Sandra Bullock: She wore Marchesa. "I thought it was a killer look for her, just perfect. And since it was black and white it was just like her family," Joan said. The panel agreed on the killer look but....Giuliana thought the bodice was not fitted well and needed to be tucked in closer to Bullock's body.
Cameron Diaz: Sporting a Gucci gown, Joan Rivers said the dress "...was great and she looked marvelous, but correct me if I'm wrong but aren't those tan lines I see?" George K gasped in horror..."Oh my you're right. I didn't see those." He then went on to comment on her toned and muscular upper arms that he longed for on his own body.
Meryl Streep: Wearing Lanvin for the occasion Joan said, "I have to take myself out of this one. She is one of our finest actresses, although I would usually say she looked like something you'd see Grandma's ashes in....but no, not for that night. I'm so glad she won the Oscar." George K went so far as to call her a best dressed nominee for him, Giuliana agreed with him.
Couples of the Night:
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: She was draped in Atelier Versace and Brad wore a Tom Ford tuxedo. "I'm sorry, I always think that Angelina is wonderful and gorgeous but that prosthetic leg ruined it for me." As the panel sat in silent horor, Rivers pulled out a leg from a store mannequin and posed with it like Jolie did with the crotch-high slit up the right side of the gown.
George Clooney and Stacy Keibler: George was stunning in Armani and Stacy was in a gold gown that many stylists tried to get for their clients, but once the designer knew that it would be standing next to Clooney on the red carpet, Keibler was the winner of the sweepstakes. "I love the gold color of the dress and I'm a bit sad for Stacy, since it's the color of a wedding ring she'll never get from him." The panel agreed that Stacy looked "phenomenal" and a best dressed nominee for each of them.
The Ladies from "The Help"
Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen got Joan gushing. "I loved it. It was different, not a cookie cutter dress, but....it looks just a bit like a matador's jacket." George K said it was custom made for Jessica and a best dressed nominee for him.
Viola Davis wore emerald green and Ms. Rivers could only say, "Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous and the color on her was stunning." Kelly and Giuliana swooned about the gown and her natural hair choice. Rancic said that she was so tired of wearing wigs and wanted to represent that night.
Octavia Spencer: George K said that while Spencer knows what to wear to flatter her body it was a bit too much like her gowns from the Golden Globes and the SAG Awards." The panel agreed that the cut of the dress is perfect for her but it would be nice if she changed it up a bit.
And now for the winner and loser....
Best Dressed on 2012 Oscar red carpet was not a unanimous choice. It was Viola Davis because Joan Rivers overruled her three fellow panelists who all voted for Gwyneth Paltrow. "I'm sorry, I have to overrule you all. Viola Davis was the queen of fashion on the night."
Worst Dressed lady on the red carpet last night was: In another overrule situation, Joan Rivers crowned Angelina Jolie, which stunned the panel and the audience. "The dress was fabulous but she ruined it with the posing of her leg. I'm sorry, she made Lea Michele look sincere," whined Joan who has a particularly nasty hate for the "Glee" television star.
image: Wikimedia Commons
What did Joan and the Fashion Police think of the 2012 Golden Globe fashions? Find out here.