People find meaning and purpose within their lives through relationships with others. Among all of our important relationships, our romantic relationships are one of the most important. Perhaps no day of the year is more emblematic of romantic relationships than Valentine's Day. Here are some tips from recent psychological research on how to stoke the flames of romance.
"¢ Have a conversation about what initially attracted you to your partner. Take your time to talk about characteristics, specific events, or how those characteristics that were so attractive at the start are still attractive years later. Doing this with couples in laboratory settings for just five minutes greatly increases their positive feelings toward one another.
"¢ Try something new - sharing a new and exciting activity will increase the bond between you and your partner. Even silly activities in the lab, such as having couples bond to each other at the ankle then asked to complete an obstacle course together (think middle school P.E. class), increases feelings of closeness with the partner.
"¢ After being together for a long time, some couples become so focused on avoiding negative interactions that they forget to rejoice in the positives. Recent research has shown that sharing positive events and more importantly, responding enthusiastically to your partner's good news is one of the strongest predictors of overall satisfaction. Even if it's something that you are not that excited about (e.g., your husband winning his fantasy football league), imagine how excited your partner must be, and try to match that level of enthusiasm when responding to the good news.
"¢ This Valentine's Day do not be afraid to open yourself up to your partner. Research has consistently demonstrated that sharing intimate details of your life will bring you and your partner closer. Talking openly about fears or anxieties with a partner and having that partner respond empathically builds trust in the discloser and the partner providing support.
"¢ An easy way to enhance your relationship that sounds obvious, but is commonly not executed well on a day-to-day basis, is actually listening to what you're partner says. This point and the suggestion above regarding sharing personal information may sound like common sense, but findings on gender differences strongly suggest that men often fail to consider these helpful behaviors. Paying attention to the little details of a conversation, as well as setting realistic goals, can enhance your relationship in very meaningful ways. Little actions can go a long way! - University of Maryland
Posted February 12th, 2007 by Armen Hareyan
