Colbert to Reveal Soul Mate

Mystery person identified simultaneously by McCain, Hathaway.

Readers of the New York Times best-selling “I Am America (And So Can You!)” by talk show host Stephen Colbert were no doubt surprised to find out that everyone has a soul mate -– but that the odds are 6 zillion to 1 against ever finding out who it is.

Now comes news that Colbert himself -- the host of the Emmy Award-winning Colbert Report -- has finally identified his own soul mate. And ironically, it happens to be the only person in America who does not watch his show.

Details on the person are still sketchy. “The soul mate appears to be an elderly, somewhat bitter person,” said a source at the network. “Somewhat reclusive, and not especially happy to receive the news. So somewhat of a reluctant soul mate, you might say.”

Oddly enough, the soul mate’s name was revealed to Colbert out of the blue by both John McCain (“Republican presidential candidate”) and Anne Hathaway (“Princess Diaries”) in virtually simultaneous phone calls.

The Colbert soul mate has never actually subscribed to cable or ridden in an airplane, says one Comedy Central source. “Otherwise, he would undoubtedly be a fan,” the Harvard-educated source said.

Other than that, the source would only say that the person has a net worth of approximately 92 McDonald Apple Pies and “can be seen from Sarah Palin’s front porch.”

"The Colbert Report" airs regularly Monday-Thursday at 11:30 p.m. following "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart." Repeat episodes air Monday-Thursday at 1:30 a.m., 8:30 a.m., 2:30 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. and Friday at 8:30 a.m., 2:30 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. (all times ET/PT).

"The Colbert Report" is produced by Jon Stewart's Busboy Productions, Inc. in association with Spartina Productions, Inc. Stewart, Colbert and Allison Silverman are the executive producers with Meredith Bennett and Richard Dahm as co-executive producers. Jim Hoskinson is the director. Lou Wallach and Dan Powell are the executives in charge of production for COMEDY CENTRAL.

COMEDY CENTRAL, the only all-comedy network, currently is seen in more than 95 million homes nationwide. COMEDY CENTRAL is owned by, and is a registered trademark of, Comedy Partners, a wholly-owned division of VIACOM Inc.'s (NYSE: VIA and VIA.B) MTV Networks. COMEDY CENTRAL's Internet address is http://www.comedycentral.com.

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