"Kabuki" is story of sexy Mexican busboy with a heart of gold.
Thurber Prize-winning poet David Sedaris revealed to the Des Moines Register yesterday that he often stays up all night wrapping Christmas gifts –- and that one of the newest gifts he's just slapped a pretty bow onto is for new-found friend Steve Carell.
What’s the gift? According to Sedaris, it’s a screenplay for a film called “Kabuki” that’s set in New York City’s famed Greenwich Village neighborhood.
“It involves this incredibly sexy Mexican busboy with beautiful white teeth named Barrymore ‘Kabuki’ Mendes who wants to advance his station in life,” says Sedaris with a calm, all-embracing smile. “He sees all these socialites and film stars coming into the restaurant where he clears the dirty dishes -- including even President Rudolph Giuliani one time -- and he gets to thinking that he wants someday to be in their shoes. And then one day, while on his way to the Russian and Turkish Baths to get a schvitz on his day off, he accidentally stumbles upon a sorcery book at an East Village stoop sale -- due to an unexpected eviction -- that tells him how to walk a magic Witches Circle around all these people, which he thus proceeds to do so.”
According to Sedaris, a Witches Circle revolves on an axis of four points, with a Water point to the east, a Fire point to the south, an Air point to the West, and an Earth point to the north.
“As always happens when you’re calling down such things – and this happened in my own village, too, back in France where I come and where my heart still lies – things go quite haywire and a lot of other people find themselves unwillingly caught up in the Witches Circle, many without being aware of it,” says Sedaris. “And so it ends up being a bit like that game Mousetrap we played as kids, you and I, where you put the ball at the top of the rickety ladder and it rolls down the stairs to hilarious results: Massively erroneous UFO warnings are spread by cellphone and cause huge anxiety, cheese melts in unexpected places, radioactive lightening rods set off a chain reaction abroad causing heart-breaking quarantine, a love potion in the Lost and Found, taxi-cabs that refuse to stop for you cause a huge meltdown at the local Ice Cream Factory, package trips aimed at the multiple-personality demographic go on sale for cheap birdwatching sprees to Malaysia, rampant nepotism occurs for no plausible reason whatsoever in Little Italy and must be brutally stamped out, everyone’s hair turns red, streaking is revived at the local Indian Village, it snows, Warren Buffett buys Five Mile Island, women with great racks consume gigantic hamburgers al fresco, a lot of bad take-out food, some cups of ice, a bar of Irish Spring, a cake, a banana, some bad vino of the hangover-inducing variety, and etcetera and etcetera until you finally say ‘voila’ and Chuck Palahniuk hands you an old t-shirt of his to clean up with and you both smoke a joint while cheering on your favorite Congressional candidate.”
Pausing for breath, Sedaris gives a small wink: “There’s a lot of sex in it, too, and not just the garden variety because much of it takes place inside. And lots of peanut butter, of course – enough to share with the pets even, both chunky and smooth varieties. The peanut butter, that is, not the pets.”
Whether the script will please Steve Carell remains to be seen. But its timing couldn’t be better: It was announced this week that Carell has his own production company with Warner Bros. His film "Get Smart" grossed $130 million domestically and $230 million worldwide for Warner.
According to the London Sun, Warner Bros. has just inked a three-year first look deal with Carell, which will allow the actor to not only star in WB films, but also produce movies that he won't be starring in.
"My idea was to partner with friends of mine, people I trusted, with whom I share a certain sensibility," Carell told the Buffalo News. "I have some ideas for films, but I've gotten to know so many people who are funny, talented and fertile that I'm confident this very strong base of friendships will lead to projects. Yo, Vinnie! Put on your dancing shoes, dude!"
Meanwhile, The Mirror reports that Carell is currently shooting the fifth season of "The Office." He will also star in a movie with "it" girl Tina Fey. They will play an ennervated married couple in the 20th Century Fox comedy "Date Night," which Shawn Levy will direct.
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