Thanksgiving Day Weekend 15,000 Hearts Will be Broken

Year after year, Thanksgiving Weekend media reports nationwide focus on how long the lines are at the airport, how high gasoline prices have soared or fallen, and how many Americans have taken to the highway for the weekend.

This year, you can add a new statistic to that Thanksgiving Weekend report: the number of hearts broken over Thanksgiving.

According to research conducted by relationship experts Julia Sokol and Steven Carter, authors of the New York Times best-selling "Men Who Can't Love," 15,205 hearts will be broken in the U.S. over the coming four-day holiday weekend.

"And that doesn't even include teenagers," says Carter, whose "Help! I'm In Love With A Narcissist!," chronicles the tactics of one category of major heartbreakers -- toxic narcissists.

Two of Carter's books, in fact, are currently on the Brazilian bestseller's list -- one has topped the Brazilian charts for over 100 weeks and is going strong.

Carter and Sokol's study was conducted using the results of a random telephone survey of 1,025 Americans conducted by Opinion Research Corp. of Princeton, New Jersey. The survey has a margin of error of plus or minus 3%. (The figures were created based on a current adult population in the U.S. of 219.75 million people with an average lifespan of 77.6 years)

In an era when almost 1.4 million American hearts are broken every year, Carter predicts we will see a "small spike" in broken hearts over the Thanksgiving weekend -- as we do over all major holidays.

"From the many people we've interviewed about their relationships since we started writing books on relationships, I feel very comfortable in saying that hearts tend to be broken around holidays," says Carter. "Like Christmas, Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve, Thanksgiving Weekend is a biggie in the break-up department. This phenomenon is known in the field as the 'holiday dump.'"

Why? "Thanksgiving Day is a day when family members start to apply verbal pressure to newly formed couples in particular," explains Carter, who with co-author Sokol added the word 'commitmentphobia' to the American dating vocabulary in their ground-breaking 1986 tome.

"To many people, this creates questions about the relationship. People who are feeling ambivalent about their relationships and people who are beginning to have cold feet and experience commitment fears start asking questions: Are we going to be together for all family events over the holidays? Are we going to take a vacation together? If we start out the holiday season together, does that automatically mean that my partner expects that we will still be together on Christmas, New Year's ... Valentine's Day?

"And perhaps most confusing -- what's the gifting protocol for our new relationship? For many people, it's just easier to break off a relationship than answer all of these types of questions."

With that kind of reasoning, many people decide to send a signal to their partners on Thanksgiving that they can't take anything for granted, says Carter. "They may not actually break-up, but they may make plans for the weekend or day that don't include their romantic partner. The partner then logically asks, 'What's going on here?!?'"

Says Carter: "Lots of people want to be unencumbered for the many holiday parties, free to mingle, party, and meet new hearts they can break. If the holiday season, traditionally kicked off by Thanksgiving, means spending your time with his-or-her friends, his-or-her family, and making all your plans to accommodate his-or-her likes, dislikes, interests, disinterests, rules and regulations, then the holidays can be a dreadful time to be half of a couple."

According to their study, 49% of Americans have suffered from a broken heart at least once in their lives. Residents of the South are the most likely to suffer from a broken heart, with 51% saying they had suffered a heartbreak. Least heartbroken -- the Midwest, where only 47% of the country has experienced a broken heart.

By race, blacks are by far the most broken hearted, with 67% reporting they had their heart broken at least once, compared to just 46% of whites. 60% of Hispanic Americans say they have suffered from a broken heart.

Carter's five tips to avoid to avoid a Thanksgiving Weekend break-up:

1. Never argue on a Long Car Trip: "Trapped in a car, it's impossible to take a 'time-out' from an argument, which allows arguments to really escalate," says Carter. "So just don't do it. Just say no."

2. Ignore Commitment Questions from Relatives: "If nosy Aunt Rosie starts asking about engagement plans at the family barbecue, just change the subject -- preferably to a discussion of her daughter's recent divorce," suggests Carter.

3. Don't Overpack: "According to a recent study, it's one of the biggest causes of tension between men and women who are traveling," says Carter.

4. Don't Cling: "Everyone needs their space -- so make sure you give your partner some me time instead of overwhelming him or her with you," notes Carter.

5. Watch out for Toxic Narcissists: Warns Sokol: "There's a group of people called 'toxic narcissists' who are a leading cause of heartbreak, no matter what the time of year. These are the people who are always 'me, me me' -- nothing that you want to do is ever convenient, it's always what they want. In our current McMansion society, where every whim is satisfied instantly, these people are a growing category in the increasingly polluted dating pool. It's best to identify these people at once and avoid them --they're basically undatable."

Questions? Steven Carter can be reached at (323) 571 8376