Halloween Quotes, Jokes and Sayings for All Hallows Eve Parties

Donna Diegel's picture

Going to a Halloween Party and need some lame jokes? Funny Halloween quotes and sayings are popular this week as All Hallows' Eve gets underway. Have some of these jokes ready and waiting on note cards, and be the life of the party this Halloween.

Perhaps the best Halloween quote of all comes from The Huffington Post, "Halloween Is The Second Highest Grossing Commercial Holiday After Christmas. What used to be just a singular holiday with minimal things to purchase has turned into an entire "Halloween Season." Between decorative lights and lawn ornaments, elaborate costumes and loads of candy, the average American spends a pretty penny on this fall holiday."

Funny Halloween Quotes and Sayings

  • "I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween." – Unknown Author
  • "There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin." – Linus from 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown'
  • "Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special." – Chris Rock
  • "Nothing on Earth is so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night." – Steve Almond
  • "On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me." – Rodney Dangerfield
  • "This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him." – Conan O'Brien
  • "Just like a ghost, you've been a-hauntin' my dreams, So I'll propose on Halloween. Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you." – The Classics IV
  • "Studio 54 made Halloween in Hollywood look like a PTA meeting." – Lorna Luft
  • "They did that little thing on South Park, and they mentioned my name and had a character of me judging a Halloween contest. It was really funny. That made me the coolest aunt on earth." – Tina Yothers
  • "Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween everyday." – Gwen Stefani

Scary & Creepy Halloween Quotes

  • "Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing, For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth boil and bubble." – William Shakespeare
  • "Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble." – Shakespeare's 'Macbeth'
  • "From ghoulies and ghosties And long-leggedy beasties And things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!" – Scottish Saying
  • "Bring forth the raisins and the nuts- Tonight All-Hallows' Specter struts Along the moonlit way." – John Kendrick Bangs
  • "Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain." – J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
  • "My candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open..." – Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

Funny Halloween Jokes

  • Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating? A. Bone appetite
  • Q. What happens when two vampires meet? A. It was love at first bite!
  • Q. What's a Vampire's least favorite song? A. Another one bites the dust!
  • Q. Why was the mummy so tense? A. Because he was all wound up.
  • Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? A. He didn't have the guts.
  • Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married? A. Newlywebbed
  • Q. Why did the skeleton cross the road? A. To go to the body shop.
  • Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective? A. Sherlock Moans.

Last Minute Halloween Costumes, Free Stencils and Trick-or-Treats

  • Cheap Homemade Halloween Costumes: Alice in Wonderland, Jack Sparrow, Ugly Betty, Michael Jackson
  • Free Last Minute Halloween Costumes and Ideas
  • Free Harry Potter Pumpkin Carving Templates are Popular
  • Twilight Pumpkin Carving Designs: Edward, Bella and Jacob
  • Halloween Dessert Recipes: Cupcakes, Kitty Litter Cake and Tombstone CookiesPumpkin Seed Recipes: Don't Throw Away Those Pumpkin Guts!
  • Top 10 Halloween Candies: What's in Your Lootbag?
  • Halloween Candy Buy-Back Program: Dentist Dishes Out Money
  • Sources: huffingtonpost.com; brainyquote.com; theholidayspot.com; halloween.com

    Written by Donna Diegel
    Exclusive to HULIQ.com


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